A Pre-Election Halloween Story
By Lori Jaffe (with apologies to Rod Serling and Charles Dickens.)
This is Rod Serling. Welcome to this episode of “The MoCo Zone.”
Submitted for your approval: Rob Hatchett is a forty year old man, with a wife and child, living in Montgomery County, Maryland. Rob has never voted, says he isn’t interested in politics. He believes that “political issues” don’t affect him, and besides, there's nothing he can do about it anyway. He is about to learn differently. Just in time for Halloween and the November 3rd General Election, Rob is about to get the scare of his life. He is about to enter “The MoCo Zone.”
“Hey Honey, Where’s the Halloween candy?” asked Rob.
“It’s in the pantry Rob,” answered his wife.
“Okay, thanks! Gotta get ready for the kids. I always enjoy Trick or Treat!”
Just then the doorbell rang.
Rob went to the front door and opened it to find a beautiful spirit, clad in a shiny white robe, smiling down at him.
“Hello Rob, How are you this fine evening?” asked the spirit.
“Eh, Hi! Do we know each other?” Rob asked, rattled by her appearance.
The spirit laughed heartily, “Oh, yes Rob, I am the Spirit of Elections Past. I’ve watched you over the last 20 years. Elections have come and gone but you’ve never voted! Come and see your past.”
The Spirit of Elections Past
The spirit, who looked remarkably like the late Nancy Reagan, took Rob’s hand and led him outside into the street, which became the street that he had lived on 20 years ago. He looked back and he saw his childhood home. His father, Ebenezer, was inside having breakfast.
Ebenezer was inside having breakfast.
“Darn taxes! Never get ahead!” shouted Ebenezer.
Rob saw himself as a 20 year old college student. He had always looked up to his father. He wanted to be just like him.
“Dad, what’s the matter?” asked Rob.
“Oh, those darned politicians! They never do any good! Always want more money but they never look after the little guy!”
“So, who are you going to vote for, Dad?”
“Vote?! Bah Humbug! I never vote! Wouldn’t do any good if I did! Now run along. I have to find my bicarb. Stomach on the fritz again!”
Then the scene turned back to the present and Rob was back in front of his own house.
“What does it mean?” he asked.
Just then the spirit opened her cape and there were two small figures there.
“Beware of these two, the boy is ignorance and the girl is apathy. Ignorance of how much your life is affected by what you call ‘political issues’ and apathy when it comes to voting. Unless you change, you and yours will be doomed!”
The boy is ignorance and the girl is apathy.
Rob ran back into the house and slammed the door shut.
He stood there in stunned silence.
“Honey, what was that loud bang? Hey, are you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”
“I, I think I just did!” exclaimed Rob.
“Well, it is Halloween," said his wife with a smile.
“Mommy, I can’t zip my costume!” came a cry from upstairs.
“Oh, Jimmy always needs help with his costume,” Rob’s wife said with a smile, and she ran up the stairs.
Just then there was a knock on the door.
Rob opened the door about an inch and peered out into the darkness.
There were three figures. One was a very tall, bearded man dressed as Uncle Sam. The other two figures were to his left, an older, white man, and a thin, black man to the far left.
There were three figures.
“Hello Robert! Great to see you again! Say, did you ever register to vote?” asked Uncle Sam.
“Um, no Sir, I haven’t yet,” said Rob sheepishly, opening the door a little more.
“Well, Son, Uncle Sam really does need you to vote you know! Otherwise, you'll see these two characters around forever!”
Rob looked hard at the other two men and felt that he had seen them before.
“Aren’t you…?”
“Yes, it’s us! I’m Marc Elrich and this is my friend, Will Jawando!”
“I remember you now,” said Rob. “You were running when I was a kid, 20 years ago! How can you still be running?!”
“It’s easy!” Elrich and Jawando answered in unison, “It’s the power of the incumbency!” And they slapped Uncle Sam on the back so hard that the poor man fell to his knees.
Uncle Sam fell to his knees.
“Please Rob, you’ve got to vote! And fast!” cried Uncle Sam.
Rob quickly slammed and locked the door.
“Honey, what’s going on down there? Everything OK?” hollered his wife.
“I think I’ll turn off the lights, Honey!" called Rob. "Candy is bad for kids anyway.”
Just then the doorbell rang. Only it didn’t sound like its normal ring, it was an eerie, hollow sound.
Rob shrank back into the dimly lit living room.
A dark figure draped in black came through the closed door and entered the living room.
A dark figure entered the living room.
“Who are you? What do you want?!” shouted Rob, his voice quivering.
The figure raised its arm and on its cloak was a scene: It was Montgomery County in the future: There were no cars. There were no police because the county government decided there was no need for police. The few figures who were in the streets looked hungry and begged from the others who bustled past them. Businesses had been boarded up. Schools had been left to decay.
The Blue future vision.
The scene then changed to a lavish party, with so much food and drink that it was startling in contrast to what he had just seen.
“Hooray! We win again!” cried the figures around the table. Yes, it was Elrich and Jawando again. And there were other familiar faces as well, including Julie Yang and Kristin Mink.
“To the power of the incumbency!” toasted Elrich. His friends chimed in, “Long live the power!"
“Honestly,” said Will, “It’s just too easy! I mean, I didn’t even have to debate my Republican opponent!”
"None of us did!" laughed Elrich. "And we all took taxpayer money to boot! That's how we stay in control!" And they all laughed together.
(L to R) Will Jawando, Marc Elrich, Kristin Mink, and Julie Yang.
“Oh, I know who you are!" Rob exclaimed. "You’re the Spirit of Future Elections. Please Spirit, tell me what can I do to change the future?”
The Spirit then silently lowered its arm and slowly glided over to the computer that was sitting on a small desk. The screen came alive and on it was the Board of Elections voter registration page.
“You want to use my computer?”
The Spirit shook its head. It pointed at Rob.
“You want me to register to vote?”
The Spirit nodded.
Rob’s legs felt weak, and he almost collapsed as he moved toward the chair by the desk. He sat down and slowly began to type. His hands were shaking but he swallowed hard and managed to key in his information.
When Rob pressed the “Submit” button, the display showed, “Thank you! Your information will be processed.”
With that, the figure slid away and passed through the closed front door.
Just then Rob’s wife came in.
“Hey Honey, do you want to go out trick or treating with us?”
Rob looked up and shook his head slowly. He mopped off beads of sweat from his forehead with a napkin.
“No, Honey, I’ve had enough tricks for a lifetime. Honey?”
“Yes Rob?”
“The Democrats have had control of the County government for ages. But their policies don't work. For our sake and for the sake of our family, please promise me you’ll vote Republican.”
~~
ChatGPT was used to create the images used in this story.
Other sources were:
- The MoCo Zone
- Ghost of Elections Past: Christmas Past and Nancy Reagan
- Ebenezer
- Elrich
- Jawando
- Mink
- Yang
~~
Lori Jaffe is the Party Secretary for the Montgomery County Republican Central Committee, newsletter editor, and Member of the Executive Board. She can be reached at [email protected]