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By Lori Jaffe
A number of you have asked for a holiday menu for the politically inclined. Here, with apologies to Julia Childs, are some suggestions. Enjoy your holidays!
Starters
Jawan-dough Soup – This soup is named for Will Jawando, who may have used federal campaign money to benefit his County Executive campaign. This spicy soup has a distinctive smoky flavor, because where there’s smoke, there’s fire.
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Kamala Word Salad – As we look forward to the holidays, and we enjoy everything from delicious starters to desserts, and of course all of the many things that we are so very grateful for, we can look to each other to see what might have been, and what could have been but thankfully never was. Yes, we are truly unburdened by what has been.
Mandani Corn Muffins – To make them, you first have to borrow all the ingredients. These good looking goodies rise quickly but lack substance.
Entrees
Glazed Pork Barrel Belly – This delicacy is imported from our neighbors in Washington, DC. Rest assured, there’s something in it for everyone.
Fresh Young Chicken a la Biden– It has a real bite to it.
Roast Beast – Although he may look a little scary, Senator John Fetterman often makes a lot of sense. Please Sir, we want more.
Schumer Cooked Goose - Just as the name implies, Chuck could be on his way out. But will the Democrats jump from the frying pan into the fire?
Desserts
Filthy Rich Cream a la Pelosi – This topping is made with the Pelosi family in mind. It is sold in Washington DC and on Wall Street, wherever they can make a buck.
April Delaney Doughnuts – These are made in the shape of a zero, which is about what April has done for the district she represents, but doesn't live in. You can get these doughnuts on Wall Street but, just like April does, be sure to buy low and sell high. You can top them with Filthy Rich Cream a la Pelosi to make them easier to swallow.
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Impeach Raskin Pie – Since Congressman Jamie Raskin was wrong about Russia-gate, and was wrong to lead the charge against President Trump, it’s only fair. It’s topped with Impeach the Judge (Boasberg) Fudge.
Drinks
In keeping with Montgomery County elections, all drinks come with Elrich Endless Refills, so no matter what, you can come back again and again and again.
Kristin Mink Matcha Cold Foam Tea – This drink comes with a warning label. While it may look pleasant, too much of it can turn your stomach. In 2023, following protests by Muslim, Christian, and Jewish families of faith against the policies of the Montgomery County Board of Education regarding the mandatory trans-gender story time instructions to students, Mink admonished "White Women," Zionist Jews and Muslims for being on the same side as "White Supremacists." She later deleted those and many other "tweets." The comments were roundly condemned by most, but not all, of the Democrat establishment. If you already suffer from the chill of Big Sister's grip on MoCo, this drink could make you feel progressively worse.
Pictured are Montgomery County Democrat Councilwoman Kristin Mink, a transvestite gentleman with the performing name of Bella Naughty who read books to children about transitioning their genders, and Social Democrat County Executive Marc Elrich.
Jasmine Crockett Tea Made from green tea leaves layered with jasmine flowers; this caffeinated tea can put a bounce in your step. But watch out, it can also cause some people to feel nervous or jittery. Could this be why Jasmine Crockett jumped so quickly to imply that pedophile Jeffrey Epsten donated money to Lee Zeldin, even years after Epstein had “committed suicide”?
Van Hollen Garcia Sangria – To make the authentic recipe, you need to go to El Salvador and find the wine that you want to bring back. Mix the wine with some out of season fruits and expensive flavored liqueur to drive up the cost. Don’t worry, you can always stick a taxpayer with the bill.
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Trump Wine – This wine pairs well with all of the above items, at least for a while. Feel free to drink it liberally or conservatively. Thank God, just like our President, it only gets better with age.
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Happy Holidays!
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Lori Jaffe is the Party Secretary for the Montgomery County Republican Central Committee, Member of the Executive Board and publisher of the MCGOP Digest. She can be reached at [email protected]