(1)
By Lori Jaffe (with apologies to Lewis Carroll)
It was the first day of school, curiously called “Transition Day.” Alice didn’t want to leave her home, and Kitty her pet cat. Alice was happy enough to meet the other children, but she had heard that things might be different from what she was used to experiencing. And she had heard that more changes were on the way.
Today Alice climbed into a school bus that traveled to her local school. She heard that in a year or two, she might have to travel across town. When her parents found out that it was because of “equity,” they were visibly upset. It seems that they had spent a lot of money to buy a house in their school district but now Alice might have to go to a “lower performing” school. Even the bus driver, Charles, thought it was a bad idea. “I tried to tell them – new bus routes are too expensive." "Besides," he whispered, "electric buses often don’t work in the wintertime.”
(2)
The bus arrived at the school building and the children climbed out. Hundreds of children made their way through the school corridors. As Alice peered into the school library, the books she saw surprised and confused her.
Alice walked down the long passage from the library to a bathroom marked “Women.” She went inside only to find what looked like a boy wearing a skirt. Alice ran back out, thinking that she had gone into the wrong room. Just then a Mole, who was “vision-impaired” stood before her and admonished, “It’s MCPS policy. Move along! Nothing to see here!” And so, Alice moved further down the passage.
(3) The Mole
As Alice continued down the long winding corridor, she came across a large Tom cat. “Montgomery County placed in the top 25 Maryland schools!” said Tom with a broad grin. “Oh,” said Alice,” does that mean we are at the top in the US rankings too?” “Don’t worry your pretty little head about that!” Tom laughed.
As she passed by the cafeteria Alice noticed a man washing dishes, muttering to himself, “"I don’t think parents should be telling schools what they should teach." “Who’s that?” she asked Tom. “Oh, that’s Terry the Awful. He went mad after he lost the Virginia Governor’s race a few years ago. He came here to be near his friends.”
(4) The man washing dishes
Alice then came upon several large posters that showed the proposed new programs for each of the high schools and regions. Yes, changes were being made. These changes would mean new bus routes and more buses. Remembering what Charles the bus driver said, Alice wondered how much bussing was going to cost. As if reading her thoughts, Tom said the additional diesel buses would be over $25 million. If the buses were all electric, they would cost over $54 million. “It’s only money!” Tom chuckled, as he slowly disappeared, leaving only his grin.
(5) Proposed new programs for each of the high schools and regions.
In home room, each student was given a heavy bound Book of Rules that their parents would have to follow. A few months earlier, there had been a great commotion about what the students would be taught and whether their parents would be told about it.
(6)
The School Board had refused to allow the parents to opt their children out of certain lessons. For example, certain sexual details were being taught in the English language arts class, although Alice thought that was an odd time and place to teach them. She couldn’t understand why the children would need to know that information anyway. After all, she still had not mastered algebra.
(7)
Later, a “Supreme Court” determined that the parents could opt-out after all, and the School Board had to set up a process to make that happen. It was part of the Book of Rules. Each time there was a new group of lessons, every 9 weeks, the parents would have to follow the process if they wanted to opt their children out of the lessons. It seemed to be unfair to her parents, who had to spend so much time working just to pay their taxes.
(8)
At the end of the day, Alice climbed off the bus and staggered home, lugging the Book of Rules. She was confused as to what the grown-ups were making all the fuss about. Oh well, maybe she would understand one day. But seeing the unhappy looks on her parents’ faces when she gave them the Book of Rules, she hoped she would never understand.
Book of Rules
(9)
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Lori Jaffe is the Party Secretary for the Montgomery County Republican Central Committee, Member of the Executive Board and publisher of the MCGOP Digest. She can be reached at [email protected]