Montgomery County, Maryland
Three spirits review American candidates. *
By Lori Jaffe
Every two years, the spirits of Karl Marx, Vladimir Lenin and Joseph “Uncle Joe” Stalin come together to review American candidates. This year was no exception. What follows is a newly declassified transcript of their communications related to the elections in America and Montgomery County in particular.
Karl: "Comrades, I hope you have been gratified by the historic changes we have seen lately."
Uncle Joe: "Yes, it has been very gratifying, especially with the election of Mamdani in a strategic city like New York."
Vladimir: "Yes, it won’t be long before it is totally unrecognizable!"
Karl: "And as you know there are several excellent candidates in our favorite bedroom community, right next door to the US capital city, in Montgomery County, Maryland.
We are here to discuss the qualifications of Will Jawando for County Executive, Julie Yang for Council District 1 and of course, our favorite - Marc Elrich for Council At-Large.
Here is the information. We need to confirm that each one will be a good soldier for the cause. In particular, we must consider what they have demonstrated with respect to the promotion of our cause for future generations."
Vladimir: "Yes, it is very important to teach the children at an early age. Elrich wants children to be immersed in the education system starting from infancy. Elrich said: 'We know the first five years of life are critical to brain development for children. And this sets the foundation for all future learning.'”
Uncle Joe: "Perfect, they must be inculcated as early as possible."
Vladimir: "It is also important to show dominance over the people so that they understand who is in control."
Karl: "Well, Julie Yang was the School Board President. There was some unpleasantness while she was in power. She was in charge when the parents lost control over their children’s education."
Clean Slate MoCo
Uncle Joe: "Perfect, how was that done?"
Karl: "Oh, in a most excellent way. One day the parents could opt their children out of LGBTQ+ classes and then the next day, they couldn’t! It was a beautiful thing."
Uncle Joe: "Ah! Shock and Awe! I love it. A real power play."
Vladimir: "How did that work?"
Karl: "Well, it got the attention of the entire country. But now, it’s quieted down. You know, in politics, the voters have very short memories. So the Democrats actually elected her in the primary in District 1!"
Vladimir: "You mean even though she and the board caused $6 Million to be wasted fighting a lawsuit?"
Karl: "Yes, it seems that the progressive Democrats think it was worth it."
Uncle Joe: "Ha! Human nature. I relied on it when I was in power. So they exerted control over the family unit. Most commendable!"
Karl: "And this should please you, Comrades. Even though the disgusting Supreme Court ruled for the parents, the board has made it difficult for the parents to opt their children out!"
They all chuckled together.
Vladimir: "Yes, that is also human nature, comply with the rules technically but get your way. Nice touch!"
"And what about Elrich and Jawando – did they support the parents or the school board?"
Karl: "They both did the right thing. They fully supported the school board.
Also, Jawando won the Democrat primary. He’s keeping the 'class struggle' fires burning bright. Here’s a quote: 'We do need a fairer tax system. I think one of the things you’re seeing across the country, in DC and New York and other places is people are fed up with really wealthy people doing really well and they can’t pay their mortgage or rent or buy gas and afford food and medicine.'
He received several endorsements from progressive movements like Casa In Action and Our Revolution."
Uncle Joe: "Sounds familiar!"
Karl: "And Jawando supports defunding the police, as do the Democrat Socialists of America. What more can I say?
Of course, we know Marc Elrich very well. He’s been around almost as long as we have."
They all laughed.
Lenin: "Ah, Elrich! The Democrat Socialists love him.
He has shown great potential – he even has a superior air about him that I find charming."
Uncle Joe: "Agreed. He has been very useful. They are all very strong leaders for our cause. We must have control over the populace, show them who’s boss, rule with an iron fist!"
Karl: "As I suspect we all knew, we have very strong, dependable leaders in Montgomery County."
Uncle Joe: "Yes, with noble soldiers like these, we should be able to push our way to true communism in the not too distant future. And we used their own system to accomplish it!"
Vladimir: "But, what’s wrong Joseph? Do I see a tear in your eye?"
Uncle Joe: "Oh I just can’t help it, Vladimir. It’s our dream come true. And we did not have to fire a shot!"
Uncle Joe weeps with joy. *
* Images created using Chat GPT and the following:
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Lori Jaffe is the Party Secretary for the Montgomery County Republican Central Committee, Member of the Executive Board and co-publisher of the MCGOP Newsletter. She can be reached at [email protected].