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By Lori Jaffe (with apologies to Jack Webb.)

It was Tuesday. Joe Monday walked into the office early, coffee cup in hand. His partner, Frank August, was already there.

“Hello Frank, any calls?”

“Hello Joe,” said Frank. “Just the usual so far, neighbors complaining about the other neighbor’s dog, that kinda thing.”

“Uh Huh,” said Joe.

Just then the phone rang, and Joe picked it up. 

“Steady ma’am, calm down! What seems to be the problem?”

“Oh Officer! You have to come quick! There’s a crime going on!” It was a woman’s voice and she sounded very upset.

“What’s your address ma’am?” asked Joe.

Joe and Frank got their coats and hats and ran out the door.                                  

Joe forgot his coffee cup.

When they arrived at the caller’s house, the woman, Shirley Strained, was sobbing hysterically.

“Now, calm down ma’am and tell us what happened.”

“It’s not just one time officers! It just keeps happening over and over again!” She dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.

“What’s that ma’am?”

“Well, I was reading the news like I always do, when it hit me!”

“What hit you, ma’am?”

“It keeps happening! There’s no end to it!” she cried, and pounded the table with her fist.

“Ma’am…please… can you be more specific?”

“Look here!” She pointed to her computer screen.

On the screen was a Montgomery Perspective article showing that Marc Elrich proposed another tax hike.

“A news article, ma’am?”

“Yes! It’s the taxes! They keep going through the roof and they keep telling us it’s ‘for the children’ but the money never makes it to the schools! (39:57)”

“Ma’am…”

“And now THAT MAN!”

“Marc Elrich?”

“Yes! That man! The one I thought we had term limited -  not only is he trying to run for council AGAIN, but he endorsed Will Jawando! And you know what THAT means!”

“What’s that, ma’am?”

“Why, they’ll just keep raising my taxes even more!! It’s a CRIME I tell you!!”

Joe and Fred looked at each other.

“Well, ma’am, we hear this all the time from the folks in Montgomery County. It’s politics. But it’s all perfectly legal.”

“But isn’t there anything we can do about it?!”

“Yes, ma’am, there is,” said Joe.

“Well, what’s that? What can we do about it?”

“You can vote, ma’am,” answered Fred. 

“Vote?”

“Yes, ma’am,” said Joe. “And get your neighbors to vote against the candidates that are taxing you so much. If they can’t budget and all they know to do is tax and spend, well, they don’t deserve to stay in power. If you don’t vote them out, you know what will happen, don’t you?”

“Just more tax?” she asked.

“That’s right. Just more tax, ma’am.”

(1) oldartguy.com meme modified in ChatGPT

ChatGPT was used to create these images:

• Joe answering the phone
• Coffee cup
• Vote sign